Hindsight to Insight

Happy Birthday Blog!!! Yep it’s been a year. Isn’t that nuts? I can’t believe how much has changed in one year, and then again, some things have stayed the same as well. There were many blessings and tough times; I worked through a lot of hurts and insecurities. And a few of them I am still walking through.
As this year comes full circle, I feel a lot of doors on my life closing and I am finally beginning to see a tiny glimmer of light creeping out from behind a door that I have been praying would open. As I think about the steps that God has taken to get me here, this past year is beginning to make sense.

First I had to hit ROCK bottom, never a fun thing to do, and honestly, 100% avoidable. Then God had to break through all of my thick defenses and astound me with his mercy. (That was my favorite part) As I think back on that part of the year, the best way I can describe it to you, is that it felt like a porch on a cool crisp morning, sitting wrapped in a warm fluffy blanket with a cup of hazelnut coffee and piece of whole wheat toast with melting cinnamon butter. MMMMM

The next chapter was exciting at first with a little bit of a sting. I’ve had a heart for the nations for a long time and wanted to serve the lord to reach the lost people groups of the world, but wasn’t sure what that looked like. Then an old acquaintance showed up in my life and talked about a wonderful year long global mission trip he would attend. It sparked a fire in me again and I was sure this meant I needed to drop everything in my life and GO right then. I became so excited and my spirit bubbled like a shaken up coke can. Then as I began to pray a familiar thing happened in my life…. God said wait. Ooo Sting!

But he quickly reviled why I needed to wait. Finances - ugh. I know that at any moment God can snap his fingers and provide a million dollars for me to jet around the world in his name but that wouldn’t teach me much about his character and who he is. And it certainly would teach me his view on glory and riches. I had been dealing very unjustly with the little money that God was intrusting to me and had been doing so since I was old enough to say “charge it.” He then brought people in my life with a passion to help me correct this and I began serving God with his money as opposed to giving it to mammon. I still have a ways to go but since then have paid of most of my consumer debt and get excited every time I get to pay off a bill!!!! The Texan in my wants to scream YEEEEHAWWW!!!!

Then God brought up relationships, never a fun insecurity to tackle, especially when I have never had a healthy one ever! He laid many types of relationships on my heart all at once and this made for a stressful and depressing time for me. They all hit me at the same time: parents, friends, cousins, coworkers, mentors, roommates, husband (or lack thereof.) I love people and being around them but for some reason I had a horrible self destructive way of showing it. I chose to ignore God and continue to try to work on this my own way. Then the horrible earthquake and Tsunami hit Japan and it was as if those aftershocks made it around the world and hit my heart.

That was in March and when I began listening to God’s plan for my relationships. Now during those 4 months I had mini ups and downs trying to do it on my own or distract myself. I felt alone and it got kind of nasty there for a bit when I let my circumstances take the place of God’s promises. But when I relied on God and listened to him, together we tackled most of the relationships I mentioned above. I have really come to terms with them and hit a mini breakthrough last night in my quiet time. What peace.

Proverbs 9:6 “Leave your simple ways and live and walk in the ways of insight.”

What’s next for me and what will this next year look like? I have no idea. Like I mentioned before I see a tiny light on the horizon but am not sure what it is yet. Insight tells me to have hopes and dreams but no expectations. When you hope for something you are surprised and blessed when it happens when you expect it you aren’t grateful when it comes and hurt if it doesn’t. So here’s to hope for a joyous next year!!!

Just for fun!!!

Fashion it Forward

Everyone and their dog has heard of Toms shoes. It’s a great movement and why not? It’s perfect. We are American and in our culture we don’t give unless we get. So how do you get people to give, by letting them get what they are giving… got it? GOOD.

I was perusing facebook today and saw that an old friend from college just got a new pair of Toms glasses. Brilliant Toms is expanding!!! And it got me thinking where else can my dollar both benefit me and someone in need? Here are a few things I found.

Tom’s eyewear. In thier one for one campaign, if you buy their glasses for roughly $150, they will see to it that a child in need receives medical treatment, prescription glasses or sight saving surgery. So yeah, they are expensive but to me it’s worth it. I will be asking for some for Christmas ... Who needs Ray Bans when you can have Toms?

Bob’s shoes by Sketchers. Yes they are a deliberate knock off of Tom’s but you get the same great charity look for less price and they too donate a pair of shoes overseas. At around $42 why not be trendy, savvy and globally aware? I say go for it!

Next is a company right here in Texas… Don’t believe me just check out the shoe and you will have no doubt.

Lizzie Lou Shoes is a flip flop company in San Antonio TX. She partners with Soles4souls , and for every pair of pink bedazzled flip flops Texas women buy from her, she sends a new pair of shoes to charity. Not my style, but a giving heart comes in all styles. At $100 a pop you've got to really love the flash and bling to drop the dough.

Want to get your kiddos in on the fun at an early age? The online store Olive Juice sales trendy kids’ clothes.  (They are really cute!!!!) And a little more reasonable, at $62 you can buy this dress with a clean conscious knowing another deserving child will also given a new item of clothing.

Ok guys don’t feel left out I’ve found the most reasonable item for you. With their slogan of “U buy1, We give 1” you can’t pass up Antiveenon’s inside out army green T. At only $21 you get to look good and feel good about it.

I am sure there are plenty of other great charity brands out there but I really like the fact that these ones think globally and address the needs of people where they are. It doesn’t hurt to be fashion forward while you pay it forward.

Day One

Ok so I know it’s been like a hundred years since I wrote on here. (Not really but you get my point) I really do miss it. Honestly I just got really busy with the Holiday season and then it felt like it had been too long to just jump back in like nothing happened. So TADA here I am jumping back in.

A ton has happened bad days and blessings, Fun days and sad ones. But it would take me a month of Sundays to explain it all so I won’t. I will tell you that I want to do the 100 days of photos challenge and I think it will help me continue to write plus I love, love, love photos. So here we go.

Day 1: A photo of yourself with 15 facts.

1) This is a photo of me during the summer of 2006 in Japan.

2) I love Japan and have been there several times; sometimes for missions, sometimes for visits. I have family there that is very close to my heart.

3) Unless you live under a rock, and probably even then, you’ve heard about the widespread devastation Japan is facing after the earthquakes and tsunami.

4) My heart is utterly broken for these people.

5) Over 10,000 people have been confirmed to have lost their lives. 17,000 people are still unaccounted for and assumed dead.

6) Over 202,000 people are living in makeshift shelters and the elderly are dying from poor conditions.

7) It is still winter in the impacted area of Japan and there are food shortages and no gas to replenish supplies, with no supplies butane heaters are beginning to be unusable and people are dying from the cold weather.

8) The Nuclear reactor situation continues to worsen.

9) People living within a 30 Kilometer (roughly 18.6 miles) radius are being asked to “voluntarily” evacuate. This is increasingly difficult due to lack of transportation.

10) People working on the reactors are being exposed to very dangerous levels of radiation and it is feared that the reactors are leaking radioactive water that could affect surrounding farm lands and potential food supplies.

11) Radiation levels in Tokyo’s water have been deemed undrinkable and dangerous for infants; there is no more bottled water. Tokyo’s population is 12.9 MILLION.

12) I am raising funds to send to a Christian organization in Japan called Crash Japan. Go to http://www.crashjapan.com/ to contribute.

13) Less than 1% of the population of Japan is Christian.

14) How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” Romans 10:14-15

15) I want to get a team together from Lubbock (or anywhere really) to volunteer in Japan with CrashJapan. Comment on the bottom of the page if you want to GO!

Faithful Service

I just got back from Women’s Retreat with my church. It was a wonderful experience. I spent a lot of my time there on the hospitality team serving the beautiful women of my church copious amounts of food. It is amazing how much snack food 150 women can consume in 42 hours away from their kids and husbands.


I loved it! I loved tangibly doing something for others. I work in Foster care and Adoption so one would think that serving the fatherless for a living would be satisfying, while it has moments of reward it is hard to make a tangible difference in mounds of paperwork, e-mails, and phone calls.

On my way into work this morning I became discouraged to leave behind the community I had been living in this weekend, full of women loving the lord and one another. As I drove my strong desire to serve others for the Lord just wouldn’t go away.

In my previous Blog I talked about an organization called The World Race. I know it is not yet my time to serve in that organization, if ever. But I felt the desire so strongly this morning. Because it was on my mind I said a few prayers for Team Deep Roots that is now serving in The World Race in Malaysia. Their names are Chandler, Silas, Bethany, Sandy, Katie, and Mandi. Right now they are ministering to mentally chalanged and physically disabled people at Bethany Home in Simpang Empat, Malaysia. If you have a moment say a prayer for them.

I long for that kind of life, for my purpose to be to love on others and nothing else. I long to live a life where I don’t have to worry about paperwork deadlines, non-profit advertizing signs, minimum standards, identification lanyards, closing out files, recording used miles, office hours, conference powers, shredding piles, clothing aisles, checking e-mails, leaving voice mails, repetitively making copies, recording children’s hobbies, Background checks, and aching necks.

I love my Job I really do but I just feel like nothing I do makes a difference. And I want make a difference, I want to be significant in someone’s life in a real way and letting them know that all that I do comes from the Lord. It is hard to do that in my current setting even though I have no doubt that it is where God wants me.

I am reminded of the Parable in Luke 16. Most people use it to compare money and say that those who love money cannot also love God. While that has merit, and should be addressed, God used Luke 16:10-12 in a different way for me.

If I cannot serve others where I have been entrusted to serve them (in my Job) then why would God entrust me with other places to serve. For those who are faithful in little are also faithful in much. I must learn to be faithful with the little I have been given before I can be trusted to be faithful in the many desires of my heart.

Germination

Autumn has always been my favorite season. I love the colors and the cool winds, the leaves and pumpkins, football and Thanksgiving. Fall always feels like a transition like something big is around the corner; excited whispers of Christmas and stores beginning to fill their aisles with red and green. Fall clothes are the best too, wonderful warm colors and layering make everything fun!!!! It makes me want to curl up with a Pumpkin Pie Latte and watch Little Women.

I enjoy soaking up every ounce of this Season and find myself wishing it would never leave. I was talking with Amber the other day and she was telling me about her wonderful trip to Boston with her girls from the Dallas area. There is a picture of her soaking up fall, fun and friends on the freedom trail in Boston.

She was telling me how in Texas, West Texas to be more specific we only get a tiny taste of fall and our seasons seem to skip from summer straight to winter. She explained this with the trees and how here they turn from green to brown but in Boston they turn brilliant beautiful colors.

She told me she was going to write about how it affected her on her Blog “Waiting on Purpose.” So I won’t talk about how her beautiful analogy spoke to her. But I will tell you it got me thinking.

I had written a blog about a month ago “Promise through Powerful Prayer.” If you didn’t read it, it was about how God reassured that all the things I desire and have a passion for will come in their own time. Specifically I was talking about my love for other nations in physical need as well as need for a Savior. God more recently showed me an amazing organization called The World Race that goes all over the world fighting social injustice, providing help for the needy, feeding the hungry, healing the sick, loving the widow and the orphan, and all for the name of the Lord. I want to go so bad!!!!! I wish I was at a level of financial freedom to drop everything and serve the Lord through this organization in everything they do. But it is not yet my time.

So here I sit in my favorite season too excited for the big things just around the corner to enjoy the beauty of Autumn. God I pray that you help me to enjoy this season; for without Autumn the seeds of the crops cannot fall to the ground, lay dormant through the winter, to flourish and germinate in the spring ready for the bountiful Harvest you would have for their life.

Psalm 1:3-4
3 He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
4 The wicked are not so,

but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

Nerd Alert - There are things I cannot do.

"There are things I cannot do. I cannot watch while people suffer, I cannot sit when something must be done, I cannot judge those who are different. There are things I cannot do. Run, hide, ignore. There are things I cannot do. But there are certainly things I WILL do."

So I have been having a nerd fest this weekend watching the commentary from some of my favorite movies. If anyone can tell me who said that quote, I'll give you 50 Galactic Credits, also known as Republic Dataries, later knows as Imperial Credits. No takers... well credits are hardly of any use outside the Inner Rim any way.

HAHAHAHA It's Star Wars. And while I know it is only a story, a sci-fi fantasy story at that, I still drew much inspiration from this quote. Now for you hard core nerds out there who actually understand this wordy jargon. I know you are scanning your brain to figure out what Episode this is in and who could have said it. Well let me ease your troubled mind and explain that it was Queen Padme Amidala... Yes I said Queen indicating it was Episode I - The Phantom Menace. But in fact it was not. She never said this in any movie, it was a poem she said in a short featurette as a pre-release teaser in 1999.

I am not nerdy enough to know how to put the feturette in here because I can’t find it on you tube so I would have to do some fancy stuff to get it from my DVD to the internet… and it’s probably illegal anyway. You’ll just have to take my word for it: It is awesome!

All that being said I am very encourage by Queen Amidala. Pastor Paul said a few weeks ago that it makes him sad when the secular world of fairytale stories got things right and showed the Christians how it should be. When he said this he was actually referring to the movie Avatar when the Na’vi humanoids on Pandora say Oe-l Nga-ti Kame which translates to I See You. Even though he was talking about Avitar it still it applies to Star Wars as well.

Anyway back to Queen Amidala who was also a senator for the Chommell sector in the Galactic Rebuplic. I wish I had her courage, confidence, and status to just do the right thing even if my life or the life of the ones I loved were in danger. She liberated her people and the entire planet of Naboo from the evil attack of the Trade Federation. The truth is I am not a queen or senator, but I have every ability to be just as courageous and confidant as she was and liberate not just a people but the whole planet.

The same Holy Spirit that lives inside me brought Jesus back to life after his dreaded death on a cross. The Force, which Padme didn’t have because she wasn’t a Jedi, doesn’t hold a candle to the power of the Holy Spirit. That Spirit dwells inside me, it is who I am. But here I sit, to scared to harness that power and liberate a people, a planet, who suffer. I wish the words of Padme were my battle cry.

"There are things I cannot do.

I cannot watch while people suffer,

I cannot sit when something must be done,

I cannot judge those who are different.

There are things I cannot do.

Run, hide, ignore.

There are things I cannot do.

But there are certainly things I WILL do."

-Queen Amidala

Promise through Powerful Prayer

I was planning to write a blog about the power of powerful prayer. It really is powerful. Well while I was brainstorming and putting my thoughts in order, I thought I would Google the word prayers and grab an inspirational image or two. Most of the pictures were really really cheesy images of some sparkly Precious Moments character and a sappy poem in old lady font. You know what I am talking about the ones your grandma sends you as a forward….. (Hi Grandma, I love your forwards by the way!)


Well I clicked on the first image that wasn’t cheesy partly because it wasn’t sappy and partly because I wanted to get a better look at the picture. Below is the image that popped up. I'll explain what it is in a moment.

This may not mean very much to any of you but it took my breath away. I was going to get on here and talk about how during a very powerful prayer session God spoke to me through scripture about what he wants in my future. Almost everything I have been anxious about lately was address and answered in this passage and it brought great hope for me. I was talking with my Good friend Cara.

This is an older pic of Cara and me. We have lots of fun girly times together doing silly things most adults don’t let themselves do anymore like; dance like a ballerina and pretend a red tablecloth is a queen’s robe or a set of wings while singing out loud to a pop song. Basically Cara brings out the best in me, she is also very wise and has discernment that I long to have one day.

Anyway we were talking and I was excitingly telling her about what the Lord had shown me. She too got excited that my prayers were so quickly and powerfully answered. But I confessed to her I was a little sad that the one anxiety God had not addressed was my anxiety about my love for the nations. That is where that picture I Googled comes back into play. It is a picture of prayer boards hanging in a temple in Kamakura, Kanagawa Japan. During exam time in Japan student flock to temples and buy prayer board for high marks.

Once I clicked on this image it opened a new tab that showed it was from a website called Global compassion. The web site is 100% secular; a place for people to connect and share images from all over the world. What is most spectacular is that the specific page it took me to was called Japan Window, Glimpses of Japan. (click on the words it’s a link)

In case you don’t know very much about me the Lord has used Japan in my life, for the past 8 and years. It was there that I encountered him for the first time and started a personal relationship with him. It was Japan that God used to ignite in me a desire to spread his name among the broken hearted. That particular web page was talking about spirituality in Japan, and how for the most part they claim no connection or belief in God even in the gods and idols they worship. They do these acts as a ritual, a natural reaction to the fear of a god or in strong desire for something more, but in reality they have no hope of an actual connection with a living God.

It was just amazing to me that as I was going to talk about this grand experience during prayer, I had a secret underlying anxiety about my future involvement in loving the nations, God called out that anxiety and almost as a promise showed me the ever present need for compassion towards the world, that has always been represented in my life as Japan. Sigh…. Thanks God.

Living Simply; Extravagant.

I have been struggling for the past few years with my identity. I know that can sound really messed up psychologically, but hear me out. I know my personality I am bubbly, loud and say the wrong thing at the wrong time at every opportunity I get. I just can’t help myself. I know who I am. I’m just fighting this internal struggle about who I want to become “when I grow up.” LOL , as if I am not a completely grown adult.


Here is my friend Staci. Staci is “ummm yeah” awesome! When she gets really excited about the Lord she always says “ummm Yeah.” I love it! There are a lot of other things I love about Staci too. She is such an inspiration. She is called to serve the nations and is totally sold out for them.

"umm yeah" Staci is on the Right.

Staci is sure of her calling and anxiously waiting the day the Lord sends her for good. She lives simple, like I wish I could. She has all of her needs met and enjoys life in a minimalist way. I don’t mean she eats berries and plants she scavenges herself and sleeps in a tent in the woods. I mean she uses the things she has and makes her world beautiful with what she’s got; things given to her as gifts, artwork she bought off a poverty stricken senior citizen in a foreign country and classic clothes that stay trendy in all fashion seasons. When the lord fulfills his calling on her life she will be able to go with no strings attached taking her few but important possessions. I long for that freedom.

I too have been called for the nations, I am not as sure as Staci is in my calling. I do not yet know if God wants me to serve the nations by going, sending, or giving. But I know that when he does let me know I will have a lot more in my way. Obtuse amounts of furniture, bedroom sets, mountains of DVD, closets full of clothes, knickknacks, boxes of jewelry, and multiple sets of dishes. Basically I have a ton of crap and the list goes on and on. Half of me wishes I had the strength to be free from it and sell all of it I don’t totally need.

But the other half of me is creative and loves arranging things in beautiful ways to make people feel comfortable and welcome into my home. I have a gift of hospitality and being an American find that couches and wall decorations are a necessity to make others, as well as myself, feel comfortable in my home. I mean just look at this beautiful room I saw on a blog today.

Don’t you want to just curl up with a book and relax in the beauty of the full soft fabrics? I long for my home to be like this, and not for selfish vanity reasons. I am sure those reasons are in there too but mainly I want so much to love on others and let my home be a sanctuary to them. If that picture was my home I would love to see it full of others laughing and enjoying each other’s company playing games watching movies or having bible studies, while I run around with a pitcher of lemonade and a plate of cookies.

I am just struggling with how these two desires come together. For years I put it off saying to myself when God places my future husband in my life he will balance this out and my desires will all make sense. As if adding someone else’s desire to the mix would automatically change mine. How much harder would things become if he too had a similar view and was waiting for me to put him together. What a mess. I know I need to find my place in God’s calling; find the place where both of these desires can come to pass so that when God does send me my husband there will be fewer messes to iron out.

This revelation is wonderful but still doesn’t help me make sense of these conflicting desires in my life. I’ll just keep praying for clarity from the Lord, and give him this internal struggle I am fighting with.

Time Travel

This is my friend Ber or formally Amber. Amber is wonderful; she is an inspiration and one of the truly happiest people I know. She has great compassion for others and I am so glad God let her be part of my life. He knew I would need her!

Amber and I were gracing Sugar Browns with our presence. (Honestly I think they should pay me for all the props they get on my blog, I don’t even like coffee.) Any way we were just chilling and chatting. When some guys that we know through Harvest showed up; the convo weaved it’s self from our normal girly chatter and ended up on a wide range of talk on food, movies and music. Eventually before the guys went and grabbed their own little cozy corner of the shop we spoke briefly about traveling in Europe and how Ber is diligently and smartly saving her money for a trip to Greece. …. QUE my daydreams of sandals and togas, olives and white columns, racks of lamb and people yelling OPA!

Back in reality this little fleeting conversation about Greece rekindled my passion for the nations. Not that it ever needs much help raging in to a fiery inferno but this convo sparked it. On the way home I thought about the first time I ever felt compassion for the nations oddly enough on a trip to Greece but the impact took place in Italy. Come with me as I explain and relive the memory……



Acropolis

We, 15 year old Robynn and a couple of her classmates, with passports in hand, boarded a plane at ATX’s new international airport, back in the day when mom and dad could walk you all the way to the gate. Don’t do the math it was March of 2001. In fact this was my birthday present. I had saved all my money, done lots of fundraisers, and mom and dad helped pay for the rest. I would turn 16 in Greece during the trip, not many people get to say that.

Coliseum

The plane ride was long but we were young and jet-lag never set in. We would eventually make it to Greece and see the Acropolis in Athens, the temple of the oracles of Delphi and the first grounds for the Olympics in Olympia but before I ever made it to Greece we stopped for 6 days in Italy. We saw the Coliseum, the roman forum, the Trevi Fountain, Pompeii and Naples. Since this all took place back in the day when digital cameras were only for the wickedly rick and even then held their memory on floppy disks of less than a gig; I don’t have any picture to share. But I promise they would have been magnificent seeing as how I am a professional photographer and all. LOL

Half way through the trip, we stopped in a little village for lunch on our way to the boat that would take us over night from Italy to Greece. (On that boat I experienced my first go at gambling, since we were on international waters I was free and clear; legally allowed to throwaway my 10 bucks on the slots.) But never mind that, back to the Italian village. It was beautiful and almost empty because this village was a winter playground for native Italians, I wish I could remember the name of it, but it eludes me now. My classmate and I decided to take a little walk, go in the shops and the grab our lunch in a bistro near where we were to meet the bus.

After narrowly escaping a run in with the Italian law, for being accused of stealing, we sat down at the bistro. I don’t think this quaint little eatery had electricity because the only light was coming in through the windows at the front. As my eyes adjusted and my classmate went on and on about how scared she was that the owner who had just thrown us out of her shop was sure to call the Italian police, I noticed a small girl in the corner. My friend kept gabbing but I focused on this beautiful little girl.

She was not poor or evil looking, ready to pick our pockets, as we had been warned by the tour guide that all Italian children were. She was beautiful with rich brown hair, olive skin and big deep brown eyes standing quietly playing with a Barbie. As the little beauty noticed me noticing her she stepped into the light and looked back and forth from her Barbie to her mother and then to my friend who was a blonde hair blue eyed American. I watched as the wheels in her tiny little mind kept turning. She touched the Barbie’s hair and then her own, the Barbie’s arm and then hers. Then in slow motion, almost as if in a movie, she dropped the Barbie and ran to her mother, the Barbie hit the floor with an echoing boom.

I don’t understand Italian, I never studied even one word of the language, but its close enough to ours that I understood the short sentence the child said to her mother. Even if I hadn’t understood her words I would have clearly understood her body language. She pulled at her mother’s dress, with sad eyes pointed to my friend and stated almost as a question, “Momma that Barbie is beautiful?” Her mother who did not turn or even seem to notice the child shooed her away, and the little girl dejected, returned to stare longingly at her Barbie.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. Who would comfort this child? Who would be there to tell her in her own language that God had made her beautiful and had a great plan for her life? Who would tell her, her culture was wonderful and unique and she didn’t have to be like an American? Would she ever know the truth? How would she know His love for her? I didn’t understand then what to do or say or why it had impacted me so. I still think about that girl who is well into her teens by now. I pray that someone lets her know about God someday, and that she is not still haunted by the desire to be like a fake Barbie.

And that’s how it happened, folks. Like I said I had no knowledge then of the Lord’s great commission or that he would call me to serve internationally someday. But it was the first moment that I felt a desire to comfort someone outside of my own culture, and to let them know of the wonders of my Lord.