Living Simply; Extravagant.

I have been struggling for the past few years with my identity. I know that can sound really messed up psychologically, but hear me out. I know my personality I am bubbly, loud and say the wrong thing at the wrong time at every opportunity I get. I just can’t help myself. I know who I am. I’m just fighting this internal struggle about who I want to become “when I grow up.” LOL , as if I am not a completely grown adult.


Here is my friend Staci. Staci is “ummm yeah” awesome! When she gets really excited about the Lord she always says “ummm Yeah.” I love it! There are a lot of other things I love about Staci too. She is such an inspiration. She is called to serve the nations and is totally sold out for them.

"umm yeah" Staci is on the Right.

Staci is sure of her calling and anxiously waiting the day the Lord sends her for good. She lives simple, like I wish I could. She has all of her needs met and enjoys life in a minimalist way. I don’t mean she eats berries and plants she scavenges herself and sleeps in a tent in the woods. I mean she uses the things she has and makes her world beautiful with what she’s got; things given to her as gifts, artwork she bought off a poverty stricken senior citizen in a foreign country and classic clothes that stay trendy in all fashion seasons. When the lord fulfills his calling on her life she will be able to go with no strings attached taking her few but important possessions. I long for that freedom.

I too have been called for the nations, I am not as sure as Staci is in my calling. I do not yet know if God wants me to serve the nations by going, sending, or giving. But I know that when he does let me know I will have a lot more in my way. Obtuse amounts of furniture, bedroom sets, mountains of DVD, closets full of clothes, knickknacks, boxes of jewelry, and multiple sets of dishes. Basically I have a ton of crap and the list goes on and on. Half of me wishes I had the strength to be free from it and sell all of it I don’t totally need.

But the other half of me is creative and loves arranging things in beautiful ways to make people feel comfortable and welcome into my home. I have a gift of hospitality and being an American find that couches and wall decorations are a necessity to make others, as well as myself, feel comfortable in my home. I mean just look at this beautiful room I saw on a blog today.

Don’t you want to just curl up with a book and relax in the beauty of the full soft fabrics? I long for my home to be like this, and not for selfish vanity reasons. I am sure those reasons are in there too but mainly I want so much to love on others and let my home be a sanctuary to them. If that picture was my home I would love to see it full of others laughing and enjoying each other’s company playing games watching movies or having bible studies, while I run around with a pitcher of lemonade and a plate of cookies.

I am just struggling with how these two desires come together. For years I put it off saying to myself when God places my future husband in my life he will balance this out and my desires will all make sense. As if adding someone else’s desire to the mix would automatically change mine. How much harder would things become if he too had a similar view and was waiting for me to put him together. What a mess. I know I need to find my place in God’s calling; find the place where both of these desires can come to pass so that when God does send me my husband there will be fewer messes to iron out.

This revelation is wonderful but still doesn’t help me make sense of these conflicting desires in my life. I’ll just keep praying for clarity from the Lord, and give him this internal struggle I am fighting with.