Discernment my lack there of

Discernment. Noun: the ability to judge well.


I could fill an entire blog about my lack of discernment. The hilarious stories that have come from my lack of better judgment number more than the stars. Some people say that God wanted to laugh so he created a zebra; I say God wanted a laugh so he created me without an ounce of discernment.

I have this incredible knack for putting my foot in my mouth at just the wrong time and making everything awkward, laughing at the wrong moment, saying the most ridiculous off the wall statement, falling down, or walking into a situation that is full of tension and pointing out the elephant in the room. It has caused a great deal of embarrassment but I have grown resilient to the effects of humors attention.

When I was a child this recklessness caused me many time outs and more than a few stern talks, I even ruined several surprise parties and in my excitement blurted out what was in gifts before they were opened. I spoiled more than one child’s belief in Santa and the Easter bunny and was that kid that told my parent friends what they really said about them behind closed doors. As a teenager it was all chalked up to my “awkward” stage and rumours even flew that I did these thing for attention or just because I was “weird.” I was thought of as a snitch though I never once told on purpose. In college it seemed to my advantage. I was the quirky endearing small town girl. My inability to discern who was and was not a good person to share details I had obtained in confidence quickly grew my popularity. I seemed sweet and gentle hearted and everybody would share their business with me. And better yet they knew they could get me to share somebody else’s business with them. This lack of judgment was beginning to break hearts and ruin friendships.

As I am now a woman in the world and all on my own; my discernment issues are now hurting more than my social life. I have long learned to keep other’s hearts protected and guard the parts of them they share with me (aka I keep my mouth shut about what my friends tell me), and I still have my quirky sweet hearted awkward moments that define me as a person. I suppose these attributes are endearing (at least I hope so), but my inability to know what to share and how much of myself to revel to others has caused me great heartache in recent years. I trust people, I never think before I speak of my heart and will pour my guts out to anyone whom asks. This isn’t safe and I have had to learn that the hard way. I also struggle with knowing what to say to my friends to comfort them. I am yet able to discern what it is they need from me. I usually try to think of something I have learned in my past to help them but often find I dominate the conversation and open more wounds for them rather than help mend the ones they had in the first place. I don’t do these things on purpose; it is like there is something in me that just won’t shut up when it needs to. If you are my friend you know what I am talking about. Ugh lol and if you’re not my friend you can just ask and I’ll probably tell you everything I shouldn’t, it’s just my nature.

Needless to say the time to acquired great discernment is long long overdue. 1 Corinthians 13:11 comes to mind. “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” It is time and I pray that God gives me discernment and I only hope it’s not like when you pray for patience. But I fear it will be. So wish me luck I’ll need it!!!!