Penny Rich? Hardly!

Here is what I don’t understand. (well to be honest I don’t understand a lot of things but for times’ sake just go with me on this one) I don’t understand the physics of my bank account. I have been very busy this past month and have not been blogging. But I have been budgeting. And I can’t for the life of me figure out how every month it seems like my money gets spread thinner and thinner. I have the same bills every month, and drive roughly the same amount. Then why does it just keep getting harder and harder. I have a strict time scheduled budget and make enough money for a small family to live on but I can’t seem to make ends meet. I have student loans, and car payments, rent, utility bills, medical bills and yes credit card bills mainly from when I was a silly 18 year old that went and got a credit card. The balance just never seems to go down. It seems like every month the money I put into it I have to use in an emergency situation aka I’m out of money with 7 days to pay day and need a tank of gas.

I tithe every paycheck. It isn’t an easy thing to do, I give a little more than 10% and by a little more I mean 10.1% lol. But it is so hard for me to joyfully give that 10% when it is nearly 5 times what I have left over for food once all my bills are paid. It is Christmas and I love giving my family gifts. They are never big impressive gifts but they are always from my heart and it makes me feel good. But I don’t know if I am going to have enough money this year to give everyone something, and that is hard when gift giving is your love language. Why does it have to be so hard? I truly don’t understand. It seems that people that live in poverty do better than me and I make plenty of money. I mean in physics it says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction then why isn’t all of this budgeting and diligence making me any head way? It seems like the more I plan with my finances the worse they get???? Ugh.

I am going to take a finance course with my church at the first of the year, it teaches biblical financial principles. It has helped a lot of people and I am hoping I am it's next victim. I dont know, but from where I am standing a second job looks like my only hope.

Happy Birthday

I can’t believe it. My Baby brother is turning 14 this week. I know I jumped the gun by a few days but it just amazes me. He is a brilliant young man.

Cody I hope you read this…. Happy Birthday!!

It truly seems like just a little while ago that I sat in a waiting room, anxious as to what the day had in store for me. You came into this world with your personality blazing. (He was ornery and defiant even before he was born) Determined to be different, you refused to flip and were a breeched baby. ( If you know him, it is exactly how he would have chosen to come into this world, on his own terms and different than most other children. ) I was scared I didn’t really know what breeched meant except that both you and mom were not exactly safe. The whole time mom was pregnant I was not a happy camper, I was scared that you were going to come along and change everything, and I needed my mommy. And you know what I was right, you did change everything, you made it better, you made us complete.

It is amazing how many days in my life have become fuzzy and hard to remember, but not this one. I even remember the smell of that day, the Planet Hollywood t-shirt that I rocked, with my hair in a half up ponytail and an awesome 90’s hair wrap I got at the Fair that year. It was a Thursday, I remember because I got to skip that day at school, Macarena was the # 1 song, Spice Girls was the CD in my walkman and we had just elected Bill Clinton to his second term in office. (Whatever that meant)

Fast forward a few years and I am cheering in High School and reading you bed time sorties. When we were at the mall or something together people would always give me dirty looks like you were by son. (As if that was a reason to give us a dirty look) I would be sure to call you “Bubba” and ask really loudly if you could see our mom. LOL One night as I was doing my math homework you were playing just a few feet away on the front porch. You called me and mom over to show us your masterpiece. You laid out rocks on the front porch in concentric rings; while you were still in diapers you pointed and announced “Planets.” Most children your age were working on the concept of yours and mine and you were already contemplating astrophysics.

I got older you started kindergarten and I started my Senior year, poor mom didn’t get a break. That was a rough year but I was so proud of your quickly developing reading ability. I went off to college and never knew how much I would miss you. You drew me pictures and sent them to me in care packages I made you a CD for Christmas and you constantly sang “I love you more” by Matthew West. It kind of became our little theme.

And now here you are a 14 year old young man about to go into High School yourself. I don’t know what I’ll do on your graduation day but I can’t wait to draw you pictures and send you care packages when you go off to college. I wonder who you will be.

 And I still love you more than the Sun and the Stars.

Better is One Day, than Thousands Elsewhere

Faithful Service

I just got back from Women’s Retreat with my church. It was a wonderful experience. I spent a lot of my time there on the hospitality team serving the beautiful women of my church copious amounts of food. It is amazing how much snack food 150 women can consume in 42 hours away from their kids and husbands.


I loved it! I loved tangibly doing something for others. I work in Foster care and Adoption so one would think that serving the fatherless for a living would be satisfying, while it has moments of reward it is hard to make a tangible difference in mounds of paperwork, e-mails, and phone calls.

On my way into work this morning I became discouraged to leave behind the community I had been living in this weekend, full of women loving the lord and one another. As I drove my strong desire to serve others for the Lord just wouldn’t go away.

In my previous Blog I talked about an organization called The World Race. I know it is not yet my time to serve in that organization, if ever. But I felt the desire so strongly this morning. Because it was on my mind I said a few prayers for Team Deep Roots that is now serving in The World Race in Malaysia. Their names are Chandler, Silas, Bethany, Sandy, Katie, and Mandi. Right now they are ministering to mentally chalanged and physically disabled people at Bethany Home in Simpang Empat, Malaysia. If you have a moment say a prayer for them.

I long for that kind of life, for my purpose to be to love on others and nothing else. I long to live a life where I don’t have to worry about paperwork deadlines, non-profit advertizing signs, minimum standards, identification lanyards, closing out files, recording used miles, office hours, conference powers, shredding piles, clothing aisles, checking e-mails, leaving voice mails, repetitively making copies, recording children’s hobbies, Background checks, and aching necks.

I love my Job I really do but I just feel like nothing I do makes a difference. And I want make a difference, I want to be significant in someone’s life in a real way and letting them know that all that I do comes from the Lord. It is hard to do that in my current setting even though I have no doubt that it is where God wants me.

I am reminded of the Parable in Luke 16. Most people use it to compare money and say that those who love money cannot also love God. While that has merit, and should be addressed, God used Luke 16:10-12 in a different way for me.

If I cannot serve others where I have been entrusted to serve them (in my Job) then why would God entrust me with other places to serve. For those who are faithful in little are also faithful in much. I must learn to be faithful with the little I have been given before I can be trusted to be faithful in the many desires of my heart.